A keypad?

A keypad.
Our life?
How?
Well it fits..
All these letters..
They can form anything in our life..
All that we love,
All that we hate,
All that we want to remember,
All that we want to forget.
Numbers add weight to those things..
Some confuse us,
Some simplify for us.
Those symbols..
They express every emotion we feel,
Confusion,
Anger,
Delusion,
Everything is expressed..
Backspace, move back..
We might try, but we still move back,
We always think back..
Our lives are ruled by our past.
Space is a need..
Space to think,
Space to write,
Space to be free,
when you have that space, you Enter into life..

Life...Life is a keypad.

An upward curve

You're sitting with your head in your hands. You're tired. Your mind is tired, your mind tells your body to be tired. Everything feels slow. So slow. A smile feels a distant dream. Its too tiring. What's the use of it? Your mind doesn't have a reason to smile. Fuck, your mind just wants to shut off..

Then a slight buzz makes you lift your head. A light flashes. That piece of machinery beckons. It bellows at you. You're too tired to pick it up. But you just have to. You lift it, you feel it, it feels cold. Bah, everything feels cold anyhow nowadays. The flashing light feels blinding..

But then you notice who it is. Hmm, it suddenly doesn't feel that cold anymore. Hmm, you're not that tired after all. Hmm, your mind doesn't want to switch off. Hmm, you finally find a reason to smile.. Hmmmm, maybe its her..

Want?

I wish sleep was a luxury, not a necessity..

Time passes, and leaves me wanting. I want more out of life, I want more time in life. Things I want to accomplish, things I want to experience, things I want to see through to the end..

I want to write,
I want to make music,
I want to swim in the ocean,
I want to spend time with family and friends,
I want to dance,
I want to stare at fire flies,
I want to learn a new language,
I want to make fun of random people,
I want to point at a place on the map and travel there,
I want to learn photography,
I want to sketch,
I want to fall in love again,
I want to fly a plane,
I want to collect stamps,
I want to bungee jump,
I want to stop and just sit,
I want to run till I fall,
I want to slide in mud,
I want to paint,
I want to ride a bike for days,
I want to sleep nights under the stars..

However big or small, I want to stop wanting..

What gets me through the day..

I'm listening to a radio show. They have some djs coming on air and listing the things that get them through the day.

What gets me through the day?
Music is the base of my life. It makes me forget everything except for those beats. Those beats make my heart thump.. Those beats make my heart jump.. Good times go.. Bad times go.. Music keeps me company. Music and humour. Humour and me.. Its a love hate relationship. But I still need it in my life. Its a drug for me. A smile, a giggle.. A chuckle, a laugh.. Humour makes me happy. Makes people around me happy. It lightens up the mood, it lightens up the day, it lightens up my life. It stirs up a group of friends. Friends.. they light up your life. They are there to share a joke, a dance, a tear, a laugh, a trip, a beer and sometimes, silence. Loneliness stops becoming a part of your dictionary..

Music, humour and friends. I can't live without that trio. They are what gets me through the day. They are a part of me and they play no tricks.. They in some way, form my essential mix.

Death is..

Death is inevitable..

Death is not an end, it’s a beginning..

Death is karma taking a complete circle..

Death is a person’s fulfillment of his duties on earth..

I’ve heard them all, they just bounce of me. They make no sense. Neither of them explains death. Neither of them explains why it hurts so much. Neither of them explains the repercussions it has on people. It makes people stop smiling, it makes people stop thinking, it makes people lose any connection to the world, it makes people weaker, it makes people stop feeling..

Death is just .. Death.

There and back again..

You're sitting
You're waiting
You don't want to leave
but you have no choice

You put on your headphones..
The mind is lost in a place soon to be distant
hmmm the music is nice
Reminds you of the previous night
Ahh that was a night
Lights were bright
Wicked and unexpected it was

Music starts picking up
hmmm feels like you're back on the beach
Music is going on
Feels like you're back on the road
The sway of the windswept trees
Rustling with the music
Your lights mark the way..

You're driving
You're unsure of where you are
You're unsure of where you're from
You're unsure of where you're going
but... you're driving

Life suddenly feels better
That empty road tells you where you are
That empty road tells you where you're from
That empty road finally tell you where you're going..

The road that led you there
Leads you back out..
Out of a place special
Out of a place with sand on your feet
Out of a place we call.. Goa

Session with the frog..

You just finished your session in the parking lot.
Feels good. Its time to head in.
The walk is a random blur.
The door reverberates.
It invites.
Well guess there's nothing to do but enter..

Wow its all blue and tingy.
Its all electric..
You feel electric..
That music feels electric.

It starts like a current..
It moves random like a current..
One touch starts you up..
The back is nice, but the front looks better..

You make your way through..
The earlier session helps you weave through the crowd.
It feels as if they move with you and the music, parting to let you slide through.
Finally there's no further to go.
You're right up..

Its just you and the wooden structure called the stage.
Its a bit blurry who's up on it..
But then again your eyes need to open to see.
But they just don't listen.
I feel my mind move..
It starts with a little sway..
And then doesn't stop.
Keeping with my mind, my hands start.
They rise and fall.
Feet not far behind.
They rise and fall.
Soon... I rise and fall.
That beat thumps.
That beat jumps.
I don't stop.
I can't stop.
I feel alone, and that's how I want it.
Everything's blurred out.
Its just me and that sound, rising and falling as one.
I'm tired but I don't stop.
I feel alive finally.
Its still blue and tingy..
I feel, finally.
A smile hits my face..
And it remains there..And always will..
Whenever I am with my blue frog..

Prepared? Whats that?

Sooo, my friend messages me that's she's reading my blog.. This sudden sense of foreboding hits me. For some reason, I just assumed it would be random strangers reading it (very smart, since I put up the link on my facebook profile).. But that feeling felt a bit weird. However prepared you might be for anything in life, it still gets you. To the smallest thing like a blog, to big things like maybe a blog (Hey a blog can be a big thing).. But there's no such thing as being prepared I guess. Whatever happens, happens. Happens for a reason or not, makes no difference. It just happens. Maybe the next time it happens, you could be smart about it, but never prepared.. So well I honestly don't know what will happen if she reads this.. but hey, at least I'll be "prepared"..